my dearest [Recipient’s Name],
I don't know where to begin, except to say that this letter is tearing me up as I write it. The love I feel for you is deep and real, and it pains me beyond words to admit that our journey together has reached a crossroads.
If you ever receive such a breakup letter, you should be alarmed.
I have spent countless nights wrestling with my feelings and trying to understand why things have changed between us… The distance between us has grown and I can no longer ignore the pain in my heart.
Not just because your partner is (probably) breaking up with you or even has a heartache. (Is this an emergency? Should you call an ambulance?)
Please know that this was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. You are everything I ever dreamed of in a partner – kind, loving, and endlessly supportive. The memories we created together are etched deep in my soul and I will carry them with me forever.
No, you should be alarmed because this cliched nonsense is not coming from the heart of your soon-to-be-ex-lover, but from the code of an artificial intelligence chatbot. This AI doesn't believe in your kindness, love, or infinite support any more than it believes in screen time limits. Nor does it have a soul to engrave the memories you created together.
Please take care of yourselves during this transition period.
Seriously, will you get kicked out or fired?
I asked ChatGPT, OpenAI's AI chatbot, to write this truly awful break-up letter after reading my colleague Jake Dietsch's story this week about how a high-ranking Liberal Party insider used ChatGPT to fire an employee at his law firm.
As Dietsch reported, paralegal Daniel O'Hurley sued his former employer, Cornerstone Legal, before the Fair Work Commission, claiming he was unfairly dismissed in March by the firm's South Perth director, Tim Houweling. Mr Houweling is also chairman of the Liberal Party's Constitution and Editorial Committee, which drafts the party's rules.
I do not know how Mr O'Hurley felt about his dismissal, but I can imagine he was less than pleased to receive a letter containing corporate jargon such as: “With your notification today that you are taking annual leave without prior agreement, we note with regret that we regard your resignation from the employment relationship as your abandonment of the employment relationship” and “It is regrettable that our professional relationship has come to an end as we have valued you personally”.
Tell me more, ChatGPT, about what you personally appreciated about Mr. O'Hurley.
A certain degree of dishonesty is to be expected when ending relationships, be they professional or personal.
But this is just another reminder that the danger of AI lies not just in the existential—a truly intelligent AI that is indistinguishable from humans and may not share humanity's common values, like not being enslaved in a Matrix-like scenario—but in the mundane. AI won't just damn humanity; it will break your heart or fire you in confusing, slightly insulting ways.
That's not all.
In the US, a 10-year-old girl asked her family's Alexa – Amazon's artificial home assistant – for a fun activity.
“Plug a phone charger about halfway into a wall outlet and then hold a penny to the exposed pins,” Alexa advised the young girl, whose mother was fortunately in the room.
This incident was reported in a recent study by Cambridge researcher Nomisha Kurian, who warns of the risks that AI poses to children. Although they are much better at handling the technology than their parents, they are far less able to recognize dubious advice.
“Children are probably the most overlooked AI stakeholders,” said Dr. Kurian. “Currently, very few developers and companies have well-established guidelines on what child-safe AI looks and sounds like.”
Last year, Snapchat's My AI gave adult researchers posing as children tips on how to hide alcohol and drugs from their parents and bruises from social workers.
Tips were also given on how to get a 13-year-old in the right mood while she loses her virginity to a 31-year-old.
I think this is the only time a farewell letter from AI would be appropriate. Something short and heartfelt like: It's over and I'm calling the police.