“Marionnnnn!”
As if by clockwork, I heard my boss calling my name through his office door for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.
I rolled my eyes, turned to a co-worker and whispered how upset I was at being treated like an unruly toddler.
We have regularly exchanged these gripes about “the one who must be obeyed.”
We also talked about Julie* being late for the third time that week (set your damn alarm and show up on time like the rest of us morons) and Melissa twirling her hair whenever an older male colleague was near her desk.
So yes, I have to confess something: I was an office gossip.
I didn’t realise there was a stigma attached to this, but a recent study from Leeds Business School found that people like me are viewed as less competent and ethical by their work colleagues.
Well, I disagree.
For me, gossip in the workplace is an essential mood enhancer. A safety net.
At my last job, we were a close-knit group. It had to be that way.
It was a tough environment where money was tight, stress levels were high and layoffs were a constant threat.
Gossip was the only thing that got us through.
The kitchen was the place where we came together to vent our worries, vent our feelings, and occasionally even cry.
We worked together, played together, and complained together. It was like a family, and I don’t know what it’s like in your family, but mine always has arguments. Often.
Can we expect work to be different?
You’re crammed into an often open space with 20 people whose company you didn’t choose, and you have to either go in or go out. It’s a prison of Pret-a-Manger sandwiches. So naturally there were arguments and disagreements.
In such situations, gossip is essential to relieve tension – it is far better to vent your anger quietly to a colleague than to tell your boss to go away.
At my last office, I had a “work wife.” I probably knew more about her than her husband and certainly spent more time with her than with him. Well, awake, anyway.
We gossiped about everything – our families and friends, but also about our bosses and other colleagues.
Would I have told anyone else any of her secrets? Well, of course not.
Being a talkative loudmouth does not mean that you are indiscreet or unreliable.
Hair-twirling flirts are worse
In fact, the Leeds survey found that people enjoy office gossip and that participating in it is seen as a “mark of a well-connected person with an extensive social network.”
This is true.
Gossips like me are funny – they’re always up for a laugh and have a lot to say, whether it’s a quick chat in the corner or a trip to the pub for a chat.
It’s much better to be the office gossip than the office bore who is so busy talking about himself that he hardly takes a breath to think about others.
The office gossip notices a lot about the people around him.
And I like to think that I have helped colleagues thanks to my curious nose.
I fear that gossip in the workplace is getting worse.
The same study that suggested that gossiping is unethical also highlighted that gossiping “is often helpful in uncovering workplace problems that may not be reported through official channels and can help improve employee morale.”
We had a colleague call another from the office and say he was depressed and unhappy.
The two of them were not particularly friendly towards each other and if I had not been spoken to about it, even if very discreetly, I would not have been able to intervene and suggest therapy.
On another occasion, I was sent to a co-worker’s house to check on her because she couldn’t get out of bed and her roommate was worried about her, quite rightly so, as it turned out.
So where is the line between gossip and concern?
Did telling these stories diminish people’s loyalty or morale? I would say yes.
Private information was shared, which affected work-life balance. In both cases, however, my interest in a colleague’s life – whether he liked it or not – had a positive effect.
Of course, it is not always easy to hold this self-appointed position of power. I was the keeper of many unpleasant secrets and if I had revealed everything, I would have been rightly fired.
But I will go to the grave with them.
And in less clear-cut cases, I am convinced that I usually had the well-being of my colleagues at heart.
So I would reveal a significant amount of relevant information, such as quietly telling someone that I noticed they had been spending too much time shopping online, but I would never share confidential or malicious information.
You see, gossip doesn’t have to be malicious, mean or slanderous – and there is a huge difference between the office gossip queen and the office bitch.
Traditionally, gossip is considered a female trait, but some of the worst offenders I’ve worked with have been men.
Women can be bitchy, but men’s claws are just as sharp. They just often get away with dismissing their barbs as “teasing.”
A long time ago, there was a curvy girl in one of our workplaces who liked to wear skimpy clothes. A male colleague asked me to talk to her about covering up.
Meanwhile, there was another woman in the office, with a sylph-like figure, wearing spray-painted clothes, but nothing was said about her.
In this situation, I was very happy to point out this double standard to the other women in the office and they were shocked.
I hope a similar situation would not happen today.
While office culture is improving in this regard, I fear that workplace gossip is getting worse.
The youngest team members in a previous office placed great value on a positive work environment.
In practice, this meant that they would whisper to each other about how politically incorrect the rest of us were while they picked at their vegan lunch.
There was a clear and difficult separation between us and them.
However, this is nothing compared to the gap created by working from home.
What’s the point of gossiping if people only really connect with their colleagues on occasional Zoom calls?
They hardly know each other well enough to even gossip anymore.
You may think this is good news, but in my opinion it simply leaves vulnerable team members with no one to vent their anger to and potentially suffering in silence from a real problem.
In situations like this, office gossip does far more good than harm.
The person who would cause me the most concern in the office is the one who makes advances on the boss: the flirt, the manipulator.
I have seen many. Men and women. They break trust, both at the senior level and at the lower levels. If you trust them, you are trusting a snake that will stop at nothing to get to the top.
Give me gossip anytime.
* Names have been changed.